benvenuti
al blog baxter

In quel momento ero come una azteca, stavo sacrificando la cosa più cara che avevo al mondo per un po’ di benevolenza da parte di Dio, per benedire le fondamenta di una nuova parte di vita. Ero un mondo da ricostruire, erano meno di sei mesi che mia madre era morta, portandosi via con lei le istruzioni di come far funzionare la mia famiglia di origine, che in meno di cento giorni dalla sua dipartita si era disintegrata. Ero sola, stanca, sofferente e frustrata, e questo purtroppo è il giusto mix che serve per distruggere chi ce l’ha fatta, per distruggere chi brilla. In un momento così buio la luce di Gio’ Baxter era diventata accecante, andava eliminata ed avevo anche il movente. Da giusto prodotto della società che vivo da quasi quarant’anni, avevo il diritto di distruggerla, le erano stati dati moltissimi anni di attenzione e fiducia, sì aveva prodotto ma il grande pubblico dov’era? Dov’era il fatturato? Era chiaro: aveva fallito, meritava di morire. Alla fine, non è quello che ci insegna la società spietata che viviamo tutti i giorni?
Ma quello che non avevo capito quella mattina è, che forse io ero di religione Azteca, ma Gio’ Baxter è cristiana, e come ognuno di loro, dopo la sua morte di innocente, senza che me ne accorgessi, è risuscitata. Questa consapevolezza ce l’ho solo oggi, dopo un lavoro sporco fatto su me stessa, e vi assicuro che è stato come cercare il tappo di una immensa piscina bassa, con la merda emotiva collezionata da tutta una vita, che arriva giusto sotto la mascella. Immagina la posizione, è scomoda e devi fare molta attenzione a non inghiottire liquame e ovvio c’è una grande puzza. Ma dopo tanto andare a tentoni sul fondo di questa merdosissima piscina, con le istruzioni della mia coach life, sono riuscita a trovare quel maledetto tappo, che ha drenato tutto quel male.
Ed è stato tramite quelle istruzioni, che ho capito che Gio’ Baxter era risuscitata e che da un anno a quella parte mi stava facendo una guerra interiore, giustamente l’avevo tolta di mezzo senza neanche chiederle permesso. Oltretutto avevo eliminato una parte di me a quanto pare molto importante, la mia essenza artistica, il mio dono. E guai a chi ha ricevuto un dono e non l’ha messo a frutto, nascondendolo sottoterra o dato alle fiamme come me. E poiché Gio’ Baxter la puoi anche combattere, ma di certo non la puoi ignorare, ci ho dovuto fare i conti e inizialmente non è stato facile. Abbiamo dovuto reimparare a conoscerci, a ricucire quello che era rimasto del nostro rapporto, riacquistare fiducia ai suoi occhi, del resto l’avevo uccisa, chi le garantiva che non lo avrei potuto fare ancora? E in un tipo di rapporto come questo il cammino di guarigione non è facile, non è insolito fare un passo avanti e due indietro e le conseguenze si fanno sentire tutte, le notti insonne sono le sue preferite.
Ma se stai leggendo il blog Baxter vuol dire che ce l’abbiamo fatta, io e Gio’ Baxter abbiamo vinto i dubbi dell’amore, che a volte feriscono, come le spine di una bellissima rosa. Stai leggendo il blog di una donna libera, come solo Gio’ Baxter è, leggerai una volta a settimana un articolo pensato e scritto da lei, fuori dal cazzo ogni deficienza artificiale. Ah sì Gio’ Baxter scrive come vuole, anche scurrile, non saranno i benpensanti a contenerla, tantomeno le piccole menti, insomma nessuno, perché come è scritto Gio’ Baxter non c’ha padroni!

BAXTER BLOG… synonymous with success

They say that when you are given a name, whether you believe it or not, they are already setting the direction of your life. And today, on a gloomy Palm Sunday, I was given the name for my blog. Obviously, no one actually gave it to me, but rather the intuition that came with the question: what name can I give to Gio’ Baxter’s blog? And the English word, which closely resembles the name of the blog, is a term used to define films that are highly successful in terms of box office takings and appreciated by large sections of the public. I couldn’t have made a better wish for the young Gio’ Baxter who lives within me, a talented writer I met in my last year of high school, who also has a passion for creative writing and the sacred fire of art, which burns but is not consumed. And perhaps the time has come to take off our sandals and masks, given how sacred this Art is to us.

And if you are reading this blog, it means that Gio’ Baxter and I have stopped hurting each other. There was a sort of War of the Roses going on inside me, and as far as I am concerned, outside me too, and perhaps it began with that gesture. One winter morning in 2022, determined like a hitman hired to take out a big shot in politics, I went into my room and took all the paper material, manuscripts, drafts, drawings and various drafts out of the drawer and set fire to everything. Theatre scripts, stories, books, screenplays, Christmas stories, seventeen years of artistic production and the dreams of a lifetime. First, I put them in a plastic bag, then I took them to the wood stove in the kitchen, and cold as a killer, I tore them up, crumpled them into balls and threw them into that stove. Oh yes, of course, I deleted everything from my laptop and every platform and hardware device with a click.

At that moment, I was like an Aztec, sacrificing the most precious thing I had in the world for a little benevolence from God, to bless the foundations of a new part of my life. I had a world to rebuild. It had been less than six months since my mother had died, taking with her the instructions on how to make my family of origin work, which had disintegrated in less than a hundred days after her passing. I was alone, tired, suffering and frustrated, and unfortunately, this is the right mix needed to destroy those who have made it, to destroy those who shine. In such a dark moment, Gio’ Baxter’s light had become blinding, she had to be eliminated, and I even had a motive. As a true product of the society I have lived in for almost forty years, I had the right to destroy her. She had been given many years of attention and trust, yes, she had produced, but where was the general public? Where was the turnover? It was clear: she had failed, she deserved to die. After all, isn’t that what the ruthless society we live in every day teaches us?

But what I didn’t understand that morning was that perhaps I was of the Aztec religion, but Gio’ Baxter is Christian, and like each of them, after her innocent death, without my noticing, she was resurrected. I only realised this today, after doing some dirty work on myself, and I assure you it was like looking for the plug of a huge shallow swimming pool, with the emotional shit collected from a lifetime, reaching just below my jaw. Imagine the position, it’s uncomfortable and you have to be very careful not to swallow sewage, and of course there’s a terrible stench. But after a lot of groping around at the bottom of this shitty pool, with the instructions of my life coach, I managed to find that damn plug, which drained all that evil.

And it was through those instructions that I realised that Gio’ Baxter had been resurrected and that for a year she had been waging an internal war on me, so I had rightly got rid of her without even asking her permission. What’s more, I had eliminated a part of myself that was apparently very important, my artistic essence, my gift. And woe betide anyone who has received a gift and has not put it to good use, hiding it underground or setting it on fire like I did. And since you can fight Gio’ Baxter, but you certainly can’t ignore her, I had to come to terms with her, and at first it wasn’t easy. We had to get to know each other again, to mend what was left of our relationship, to regain her trust. After all, I had killed her, so who could guarantee that I wouldn’t do it again? And in a relationship like this, the road to recovery is not easy. It’s not unusual to take one step forward and two steps back, and the consequences are felt all the way, with sleepless nights being her favourite.

But if you’re reading the Baxter blog, it means we’ve made it. Gio’ Baxter and I have overcome the doubts of love, which sometimes hurt like the thorns of a beautiful rose. You are reading the blog of a free woman, as only Gio’ Baxter is. Once a week, you will read an article conceived and written by her, free from any artificial deficiencies. Oh yes, Gio’ Baxter writes as she pleases, even obscenely. She will not be restrained by the right-thinking, nor by small minds, in short, by anyone, because as it is written, Gio’ Baxter has no masters!